Stay at home mom or working mom? Who is best?

-
We have come to a point where we want to choose the best mom. First of all, how do we define a mother? How should we measure the love she has for her kids? What are the metrics?

I'm a full time working professional who works from home throughout the week. I have a kid to take care without any help. So I can put myself under STAH and career oriented. So I'm qualified enough to write this article and bring out the reality.

Let's try an experiment with 2 families. One with both the parents working and the other has the father working while the mother is staying at home taking care of kids. Now, if you ask the kid of a working mother whether you want your mother to spend more time with you. The kid will definitely say yes. But if you ask whether you want your mother to quit her job and spend more time with you, the kid will say no. Likewise, if you ask the other kid of STAH mom, whether you always want your mom with or she can take a job. The kid will say she can do whatever she likes. Kids understand their mothers without judging.

                                         Image result for mothers

Stay at home mom Vs Working mom

This society is going to judge you whichever option you choose. Then why the trouble. For the argument sake, let me weigh both.

STAH Mom 


Pros:

  • Can always be there and take care of your family - Always catch baby's milestones
  • Can spend enough quality time with kids
  • Can cook healthy food for your children now and then
  • Can take vacations as and when needed
  • Need not rely on a 3rd person to take care of your kid (may occur at rare occasions)
  • Being satisfied and content
Cons:
  • Can't ask for help always (because you will be judged by the society)
  • Will not get enough 'ME' time
  • Feeling less confident / inferior / lonely / depressed
  • Financially dependent

Working Mom


Pros:
  • Super confident and satisfied for continuing what you love
  • Can spend enough quality time with kids
  • Financially stable and independent
  • Feeling strong and empowered  
  • Having 'ME' time 
Cons:
  • Balancing work and life (Sometimes becomes tough)
  • Missing baby milestones 
  • Relying on a 3rd person to take care of the baby and feeling guilty and panicked for the same
  • Holding responsibility at work as well as in family
  • Handling judgement and negative degrading talks
  • Feeling overwhelmed / stressed / depressed / inferior
  • Doubting your decision often
So here is the truth, there is no difference. Both are the best mothers and doing their best for the child. Society puts in lots of questions on mothers (I still wonder why aren't men questioned / judged much when it comes to parenting). Society defines how the mother should be. It is always going to judge you no matter what. If you are STAH, you will be put down for not supporting your family. If you choose to continue your work, it will make you feel guilty. Both ways, it does no good. 

It is your life. You are the one living it and the society just adds up the pressure. Just before making the decision think whether I will be happy with this decision after 5 years. It may not look right now. It may be hard to execute the plan. But after certain point in time everyone around you will be happy and proud. 

Your kid will never judge you for choosing your career. You kid will never ill treat you or put down if you are STAH mom. Both type of mothers have equal hardship to go through. Motherhood and parenting is not a cake walk and never have been. You don't have to feel guilty for leaving your child behind. He is happy to see you when return from the office. Those little eyes are eagerly waiting for the clock to run fast. Similarly, STAH mom, your kid is happy as ever feeling secure and safe in your arms.

So mommas, I'll tell you what you want to hear from everyone. You are an awesome mom.You have the greatest potential. Your kids and loved ones love you. Now stop feeling guilty and get on your feet. The stress or the depression or the doubts are simply due to your effort to answer the questions that people throw on you. Let's stop judging each other. Listen to positive comments and thoughts and be around with people who supports and boosts you. 

We women are capable of multitasking by nature. We can handle everything with utmost care and sincerity. Do not let self doubt creep in you. Do not take up responsibilities just because someone wants you to or if they are putting you down. 

Being a mom itself is the best thing in the world. You don't have to be perfect.

Yours,
Priya,
A Working / STAH Mom

Stop mom shaming! 



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Corporate & it's ethics

-
Image
Adulthood, the age between 21-30 is the age of curiosity. We would like to experiment with anything and everything. The transition from adolescence to adulthood where everyone asks for your opinion, someone values your thoughts and yeah!! you are treated as an adult. Sounds exciting, isn't? That's true for sure. Young minds at office are the ones who energize the atmosphere, spread love and joy. You guys actually keep our boring works alive. You have fresh ideas in mind. The transition period is quite tricky. We grow watching most of the movies which actually doesn't portray the reality of the corporate world. What is shown in movies today are far from the reality but we believe things as is. Most important things are love, handling relationships and public display of affection (PDA) in certain places that includes workplace, colleges and schools.  Our education system doesn't include corporate ethics, sex education or even life skills. Youths of today a...
Read more

Menstrual leave...Building a women friendly working system!

-
While we are fighting for equality, we constantly try to prove ourselves that we are equal to men. It's true to a part but we forgot the fact that we are not identical. We have different bodily needs when compared to man. Recent Zomato's 10 days paid period leave policy has triggered a heated debate among everyone including the feminists. This is not something entirely new for India.  In 2017, Ninong Ering passed a private bill called "The Menstruation Benefits Bill". This bill states that the women in public and private sector are entitled to take 2 days of paid leave every month during their period cycle and also during their period, if a woman works, she can take 30 minutes break twice a day.  Why is it important? Women keep pushing ourselves harder to prove and survive in this world that is designed basically for men. Menstruation is still seen as a taboo and women are made to suppress their pain and keep moving. No one talks about the pain that we go through duri...
Read more

Cyber bullying: Has anonymity invoked our evil side?

-
Image
In the era of technology, everyone has a mobile phone and a social media account. Holding a social media account is seen as a status symbol for some reasons. Though media has reached nook and corner of this world, voice out our opinions, it has also became a threat for many. Anyone can defame anyone in the platform and it is done without any irk. We look down on a person who uses unparliamentary language in public but not in the virtual world. The anonymity has given the courage to say or judge a person and simply move on without a shame.  <picture credit: Google> A man who is shy, with a social media account, he stalks women, send dirty pictures or messages. I'm not lying, this happens everyday with every woman but we simply ignore. At least that's what every other 'good' men suggest to do. 'Why do you create a fuss out of it? You have the option to block him right away. This is not worth discussing'. These are comments from many common men when I quoted ...
Read more